Notes From Neal

Back a few years, when I was younger and much less the mature and polished person I am today, we used to have a list called The World’s Biggest Lies. It was a humorous list, containing mostly items with a sexual connotation. For example, one item was the traditional, I’ll respect you in the morning.

Now that I’ve grown wiser in my old age, and actually write coherently in my own blog, I’m reminded of one other of the World’s Biggest Lies, along with a new addition, appropriate in this age of voice mail and depersonalization.

Without further ado, I present two of the many World’s Biggest Lies:

• We’re from the government, we’re here to help
• Your call is important to us.

Your comment is important to me, so please feel free to add to my short list of The World’s Biggest Lies.

It’s that time again; wherein I go rummaging through my email spam folder. Below you’ll find nugget upon nugget of wisdom and knowledge from all those emails that nobody is supposed to read.

That nice girl Delmar writes…

Hello! I am bored this afternoon. I am nice girl that would like to chat with you. Email me at xxx@uuu.com only, because I am using my friend’s email to write this. Mind me sending some of my pictures to you?

Just what I need. Pictures of some guy who can’t even use his own email. Thanks, Delmar. I won’t get into your gender bending issues.

Davis Waters writes to tell me that he/she/it “has all kinds of meds.” And I need to know that because?

Falker Andre wishes to inform me of the latest in clothing technology:

A new revolution in medicine has been discovered! Click here
Feel the growth in your pants!

Come to think of it, I do need my pants to grow. In the waist. Or else I need to play more tennis. Maybe Davis Waters (see above) has some meds to help my tennis game.

I wasn’t going to mention an email I received from Lakeisha Sparks because it’s so dirty. Her subject line is, “provide stronger erections, improve sexual endurance, and increase ejaculation volume.” Here’s the kicker. In the body of her post, she writes:

“We would like to thank John from FL, USA and Dan from Australia for sending us before and after photos and also letting us show them on our website.”

Doesn’t that get you the least bit tempted to visit good old Lakeisha’s web site? I mean, who can resist “before and after photos?” Especially of John and our Australian friend, Dan. Before and after what?

Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention all those posts from people all over the world, some of whom I’ve never met, who have the most wonderful suggestions on ways to please the ladies. Halsey Shorty, for instance, must certainly be a world renowned psychic. Halsey seems to have a keen sense of my innermost thoughts and secret dreams of a “larger love stick,” mentioned in the subject line of his recent email.

Wasn’t it President Theodore Roosevelt who said “speak softly and carry a big stick.” Do you think a love stick such as the larger one that Halsey proposed above, was what he was talking about? What was so confusing is that the email itself didn’t purse my interest any further. I lost interest when the post went on about some casino somewhere.

Note: This post will probably get lots of hits because I tagged it with the tag “sexuality”. Although I didn’t use the word “penis”, there is a reference to “love stick” and “ejaculation”. That should grab me a few readers.

I took a few moments at lunch today to browse through this week’s (November 26, 2007) copy of Newsweek. Here are some of my observations about what I found contained in this magazine.

First off. On the cover is my shipping label. Encoded on that label is my renewal date, which now seems to be at August 3, 2009. My question is this: why in the world did I just receive a mailing to renew the magazine, when my subscription won’t expire for another year and a half?

Turn to page 16. A short interview with some big time chef who opened a restaurant in Las Vegas. High end place. Dinner costs $420 per person, but that does include wine. Sounds like a restaurant for those with more money than brains.

On page 29, we read a variety of quotes, including on form Ohio Representative Dennis Kucinich, explaining why he voted against the USA Patriot Act. “That’s because I read it.”

Now we turn to page 42 for an excellent op-ed piece by Fareed Zakaria called America the Unwelcoming. Mr. Zakaria discusses why tourism to the US from other countries is way down. He states it’s because of all the harassment and down right hassles that travelers experience moving through our country. I mean, think about it, why in the world do we have to remove our shoes, including my flip-flops, before boarding a plane? Read the article which is linked above.

And finally, this little article in the second column on page 12, In Trouble for Show and Tell. This article tells how some four and five year old children are being suspended from school for “sexual harassment”. One four year-old was suspended “when a female school aide reported that the child buried his face in her chest when she hugged him.”

“You have got to be kidding me,” if I might quote tennis great John McEnroe. What has happened to sensibility?

Consider these two short video advertisements. Take a moment to think about the story they tell of the messages the media and our culture blast each second. Consider the daily bombardment of messages telling us how much better we could be if only we would buy Brand X. Or how much more perfect we would look if only we work Brand Z.

As adults, probably the most important thing we can do is talk to our children, sending them messages about their inherent beauty and worth. Girls are particularly targeted, but boys certainly get similar messages from sports as well as the media.

We are not our jobs, the cars we drive, or the clothes we wear. We will be remembered by the deeds we do, the people we touch, and the beauty we add to this world.

I first found these on Jeff Ventura’s “techie” but eclectic blog, Graceful Flavor. Jeff also offers up a bit of research on The Campaign for Real Beauty, creators of these videos.

More video on this topic can be found at Reality on a Stick.

Within the last few minutes, folks, I received an email from Jesus. I can’t imagine it was from anyone other than that Jesus. I mean who else would dare to use that name? It’s gotta be copyrighted somewhere like The Vatican, wouldn’t you think?

Anyhow, the subject of my email from Jesus is “watch this prices”, only convincing me even more that it’s authentic, because we all know that Jesus came from Palestine and probably wasn’t all that facile in the English language. They did have English back in his days didn’t they? Of course they did.

By now, I’m sure you’re so darn curious about why Jesus might be sending me an email. Well, according to the email, Jesus has evolved quite a bit from preaching about doing the right thing, love your neighbor and all that do-gooder stuff. Apparently he has gone into sales, like the good Jewish boy that he is. And in this email, at least, he’s selling good drugs, well at least for us old guys:

• Viagra
• Viagra Soft Tabs
• Cialis
• Cialis Soft Tabs
• Viagra Jelly (no peanut butter to go with it?)
• Levitra

Wow! Great inventory! Probably good prices! Stuff to harden you up just when you really need it.

That’s all I know. But if you need that kind of stuff “when the time is right”, Jesus would seem like a reputable and reliable source. You really couldn’t go wrong. I just wish I could pass along his email in case you had a question or two to ask, but when I looked, it must not have been the right one. Someone probably stole his, poor guy.

Elizabeth Wood writes a thoughtful blog about open discussion of sexuality in Sex in the Public Square. If you have a few spare minutes, do take a look at what she has to say.

She has written a recent article where she discusses the possible restrictions of viewing, discussing, or even blogging about sexually related topics in public. In this case, her concern is with the restrictions on sexual content possibly placed by a variety of ISP’s, often our on-ramp to the world of the ‘Net. As Elizabeth continues, she points out how the the media panders to violence and the bloody, while acting purportedly offended at items of even nominal sexual content.

Elizabeth comments…

“I am convinced that, sexually speaking, we are about as schizophrenic as we can be. Yesterday I talked with my sister in Atlanta who told me that when she got up in the morning morning and turned on the television the news was reporting the story of a veterinarian in Japan who had had his arm bitten off by a crocodile (the event happened on April 11th). This was on a mainstream media channel on a large screen television. They showed the crocodile with the man’s arm in its mouth. Before breakfast. This is not going to be disturbing to children? The same channel also showed graphic coverage of the man who jumped from the Empire State Building yesterday. Not disturbing for children? But let a glimpse of Janet Jackson’s nipple escape onto the airwaves again — a nipple being something that lots of children are intimately familiar with and probably have happy memories of — and no doubt we will have another cultural panic about how disturbing that must be for kids. Severed limbs, okay. Healthy bodies, not so much.”

The article hit a hot button with me! Our media blathers on and on about whether Don Imus made racist comments, who the father of Anna Nicole Whatever’s child might be, or whether OJ really did it. And we all stand aghast when Janet Jackson’s breast appears accidentally at halftime of a Super Bowl due to a “costume malfunction” whatever the hell that is.

But do we stand so aghast when over 3,000 of our own young men and women won’t be coming home from Iraq? Or they come home with wounds to both body, mind, and spirit.

We simply have it backward. Maybe we should quit enjoying violence while abhorring sex and try it the other way around.

Make Love. Not War.

I’ve just drafted an article about sexuality.  Or maybe a bit of a rant.  Regardless, I’m adding the category “sexuality” to my topic list when the article runs in the next few days.

Now watch the hits on this blog increase.

The sad story of Julie Amero has been all over the ‘Net. If you haven’t read about the Connecticut teacher, you can read the Washington Post article or similar coverage from USA Today.

Ms. Amero was a substitute teacher in Norwich, CT back in 2004, recently convicted of “endangering students by exposing them to pornographic material displayed on a classroom computer.”

According to The Post…

On the morning of Oct 19, 2004, Amero said she reported for duty at a seventh grade classroom at Kelly Middle School in Norwich, Conn. After stepping out into the hall for a moment, Amero returned to find two students hovering over the computer at the teacher’s desk. As supported by an analysis of her computer during the court proceedings, the site the children were looking at was a seemingly innocuous hairstyling site called “new-hair-styles.com.” Amero said that shortly thereafter, she noticed a series of new Web browser windows opening up displaying pornographic images, and that no matter how quickly she closed each one out, another would pop up in its place.

“I went back to computer and found a bunch of pop-ups,” Amero said. “They wouldn’t go away. I mean, some of the sites stayed on there no matter how many times I clicked the red X, and others would just pop back up.”

Here’s a substitute teacher in a class not her own, using a computer, not her own. Apparently, she is pretty much of a technophobe, and quite out of her league on this one.

Let me add some of my own comments to this travesty.

• Consider that this was in 2004, the operating system was Windows 98, and the browser was Internet Explorer 5 (outdated and quite insecure). There was no filtering software on the school’s network, no anti-virus software that might check for invasive malware. Malware of the type that generates pop-up windows was found on that computer.
• Ms. Amero knew little about computers or what to do to stop the hundreds of pop-ups that were appearing. According to the story, she asked for help in the teacher’s lounge and received little support.
• Think back to 2004. Ever know anyone whose computer was totally inundated by pop-ups, pornographic or otherwise? Yes, there are pop-up ads for items other than porn.
• Due to technicalities, supporting defense arguments were not allowed.
• Why was this case even prosecuted? What did this poor lady do?
• For a different take on this incident, here is the story from The Norwich Bulletin. I may be biased, but I don’t buy their self-righteous viewpoint.
• This woman could be sentenced to as much as 40 years in prison on March 2.
• Can children really be “endangered” by viewing “pornographic material? Why aren’t they “endangered” by viewing violence at home or on television?

Let me leave you with this last word. If you think this is wrong, take a look at the Julie Amero Defense Fund blog. At that location, you’ll find a way to contribute to her fund as well as the addresses of the prosecuting attorney, school district officials, and other governmental muckity mucks.