Puns

I normally don’t post the usual email humor that finds my mailbox as it circles the globe. I’ll make an exception just this time, as this set is a bunch of real “groaners”.

So here goes…

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says “Dam!”

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

“But why?”, they asked, as they moved off.
“Because,” he said,” I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

Mahatma Gandhi, as I’m sure you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Hopefully, at least one of these made you laugh, groan, or smile. If you have some of your own favorites, feel free to post them as a comment. If I get enough, I’ll add them to a future post.

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2 responses to “Puns

  1. Good stuff. I grew up on puns. Often, an entire conversation at the dinner table would revolve around running puns. We used to joke that all you had to do to get my father punning was feed him.

    Here’s one for you: A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender refuses, explaining to the prospective customer that it is a piece of string and cannot drink. The piece of string goes outside, ties a knot in itself, and separates out the fibers above it, creating a sort-of hair-style. It goes back in and orders a drink. The bartender says, “I just told you; you’re a piece of string.” The piece of string replies, “No, I’m a frayed knot.”

  2. Good one, Paula. I read it to June (my wife) and she groaned.

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