Eloquent Insults Redux

Back in April, I posted a list of rather eloquent insults that surpassed the more traditional “your mama” or my favorite, “bite me“. Here are some additional insults to add to your own collection. Use them at your own risk, of course. Part of that risk might be that both the insultor and insultee understand what is being flung about.

So here we go…

I liked your opera. I think I will set it to music.
— Ludwig van Beethoven to a fellow composer

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.
— Samuel Johnson (attributed)

Vile worm, thou wast overlooked even in thy birth — William Shakespeare

You are not worth another word, else I’d call you knave.
— William Shakespeare (All’s Well that Ends Well)

I do desire we may be better strangers.
— William Shakespeare (As You Like It)

There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.
— William Shakespeare (1 Henry IV)

Lives in the Balance

They sell us the President the same way
They sell us our clothes and our cars
They sell us every thing from youth to religion
The same time they sell us our wars
I want to know who the men in the shadows are
I want to hear somebody asking them why
They can be counted on to tell us who our enemies are
But they’re never the ones to fight or to die
And there are lives in the balance
There are people under fire
There are children at the cannons
And there is blood on the wire

Jackson Browne, 1986. From the song Lives in Balance

Quotable

“His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.”
–Woody Allen

“Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.”
–Will Rogers

“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it.”
–Clarence Darrow

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
–Mark Twain

“All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.”
–Alexander Dumas

“A person should want to live, if only out of curiosity.”
–Yiddish Proverb

Miscellanea

Christmas has been thrust upon us already, well in advance of the “holiday shopping season.” It’s been at least a couple weeks since I’ve seen my first Christmas tree in a store. And that’s pretty amazing, considering how rarely I frequent stores.

Along those lines, I was wondering today how many times I’ll hear Have a Holly Jolly Christmas this year. So far, and this is only November 15, it’s been three times.

And even further along those lines, it’s only been once that I’ve heard Thanksgiving referred to as turkey day. It’s Thanksgiving. Since I wrote about this in a post last year, I won’t go any further. At least for now.

As I write this article, Linda Ronstadt is singing Prisoner In Disguise on my mp3 player. Back in those days, she had such a great, strong, voice and sang these great duets with John David Souther.

The song playing right after Prisoner in Disguise is another Linda Ronstadt tune, Someone To Lay Down Beside Me. Back in the 70’s I played her music a lot.

Since I’m straining my brain for more to write, maybe I should end here. No need to wear myself out trying to pound out thoughtful tomes with a message to my reading public.

Before I click “Post”, let me leave you with this quote from Mark Twain. I’ve heard the quote before, but just now learned who the author might be.

“Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.”

Quotable

“If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.”
— Albert Einstein

I suspect the Bushies have tried this a time or two.

“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
— George Burns

“I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.”
— Steven Wright (comedian)

“Indecision may or may not be my problem.”
— Jimmy Buffet

“Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.”
— Mark Twain

So Mr. Clemmens knows this Administration also.

“An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger.”
— Dan Rather

“I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.”
— Mark Twain

Quite right, sir.

“Don’t let yourself forget what it’s like to be sixteen.”
— Anonymous

Wise words from that wise person. I have a sixteen year-old daughter, so it’s quite easy sometimes. Also challenging and joyful.

Quoteable v3.04

“Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day.”
— Mickey Rooney

“God is not dead but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project.”
— Anonymous

“Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.”
— William Shakespeare

“To be worn out is to be renewed.”
— Lao-tzu

“The quality of American life must keep pace with the quantity of American goods. This country cannot afford to be materially rich and spiritually poor.”
— John F. Kennedy

“Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches per sec.”
— J. Hart

“Laughter is the closest distance between two people.”
— Victor Borge

Quotable

“The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that’s out always looks the best.”
— Will Rogers

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.”
— Mark Twain

“Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories – those that don’t work, those that break down and those that get lost.”
— Russell Baker

“How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?”
— Charles De Gaulle

“Thanks to TV and for the convenience of TV, you can only be one of two kinds of human beings, either a liberal or a conservative.”
— Kurt Vonnegut

“A writer is a person for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.”
— Thomas Mann    (eh, Paula?)

“It is easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them.”
— Alfred Adler, Austrian psychiatrist and psychologist (studied him in grad school)

Those Darn Sayings

Here are a few “random” quotations and thoughts, gleaned from email messages, web pages, the back of my mind, and a variety of other sources.

I’m currently out of my mind or have stepped away from reality! Please leave a message…

The Moral Majority is neither

Fast food is neither

I thought I was indecisive; now I’m not so sure.

When life hands you gators, make Gatorade.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

I didn’t believe in reincarnation in my last life, either!

Never believe generalizations.

The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance.

Jesus saves. He uses double coupons.

Jesus saves! Gretzsky shoots. He scores!

Jesus loves you. But I’m his favorite.

Does anal retentive have a hyphen?

So many cats, so few recipes.

Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and name streets after them.

There’s no place like 127.0.0.1 (raise your hand if you get this one)

I can find a few more if you like. To quote Karen Carpenter (no, I’ll not link her), “we’ve only just begun…”

Oh.  And if you’d like to add your own, well, that’s why they have a comment button.  Use it!

Quotable

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
–Mark Twain

Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT’S bad for you!
–Tommy Smothers

Our patience will achieve more than our force.
–Edmund Burke (1729 – 1797)

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.
–Henry David Thoreau, Walden, Conclusion

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
–Will Rogers

It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.
–Steven Wright

Already Gone

Thought for the day…

So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key

— “Already Gone” by the Eagles (1974)

Inspired by the comments of a reader.