It’s that time again; wherein I go rummaging through my email spam folder. Below you’ll find nugget upon nugget of wisdom and knowledge from all those emails that nobody is supposed to read.
That nice girl Delmar writes…
Hello! I am bored this afternoon. I am nice girl that would like to chat with you. Email me at email@example.com only, because I am using my friend’s email to write this. Mind me sending some of my pictures to you?
Just what I need. Pictures of some guy who can’t even use his own email. Thanks, Delmar. I won’t get into your gender bending issues.
Davis Waters writes to tell me that he/she/it “has all kinds of meds.” And I need to know that because?
Falker Andre wishes to inform me of the latest in clothing technology:
A new revolution in medicine has been discovered! Click here
Feel the growth in your pants!
Come to think of it, I do need my pants to grow. In the waist. Or else I need to play more tennis. Maybe Davis Waters (see above) has some meds to help my tennis game.
I wasn’t going to mention an email I received from Lakeisha Sparks because it’s so dirty. Her subject line is, “provide stronger erections, improve sexual endurance, and increase ejaculation volume.” Here’s the kicker. In the body of her post, she writes:
“We would like to thank John from FL, USA and Dan from Australia for sending us before and after photos and also letting us show them on our website.”
Doesn’t that get you the least bit tempted to visit good old Lakeisha’s web site? I mean, who can resist “before and after photos?” Especially of John and our Australian friend, Dan. Before and after what?
Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention all those posts from people all over the world, some of whom I’ve never met, who have the most wonderful suggestions on ways to please the ladies. Halsey Shorty, for instance, must certainly be a world renowned psychic. Halsey seems to have a keen sense of my innermost thoughts and secret dreams of a “larger love stick,” mentioned in the subject line of his recent email.
Wasn’t it President Theodore Roosevelt who said “speak softly and carry a big stick.” Do you think a love stick such as the larger one that Halsey proposed above, was what he was talking about? What was so confusing is that the email itself didn’t purse my interest any further. I lost interest when the post went on about some casino somewhere.
Note: This post will probably get lots of hits because I tagged it with the tag “sexuality”. Although I didn’t use the word “penis”, there is a reference to “love stick” and “ejaculation”. That should grab me a few readers.